Missoula Has Pride – But Is It LGBTQ+ Friendly? A Lesbian Traveler’s Perspective

While Missoula is often referred to as the “liberal” city in Montana, I had my doubts as to how liberal a city in such a red state can be. However, once the city adopted the Pride flag as the city flag in order to display it on government buildings, I knew I needed to see this place for myself. But is Missoula LGBTQ friendly?

When researching a place to stay, I found a beautiful B&B just outside of town that caught my eye. I booked a mountain view room at the Blue Mountain Bed & Breakfast based on the reviews and proximity to town.

As I drove through Missoula to get to the B&B, I realized just how big the city is. I know the population is almost 80,000, but the city seems so… spread out. There’s the University side, downtown, and another side that feels less dense but has plenty of stores and restaurants.

My first night in town I had dinner at Old Chicago, and to say I noticed the stares would be an understatement… There were two of us at dinner, myself and another woman, and from the moment we walked in I could just FEEL the eyeballs. Not for a long time, but enough to catch my attention.

The next day we attended a Lord Huron concert at the Kettlehouse Amphitheater. That venue is absolutely gorgeous. Completely surrounded by mountains and tucked away enough that I felt at one with nature and music. I would go again any time. There’s a convenient shuttle to get you from downtown Missoula to the venue and back. This saved a lot of time and annoyance with parking.

The laid back Kettlehouse crowd gave off an accepting vibe. I felt more stares from the staff. Like they were sizing us up to determine if we were together and if they approved of that.

That was the kind of vibe I picked up nearly everywhere we went; a feeling of tolerance, but not actual acceptance. Montana is still Montana, and Missoula is filled with plenty of red-blooded conservatives who don’t agree with homosexuality. And while nothing was said, I was never approached and never felt threatened in any way, the feeling of disapproval, or at least a feeling of others being unsure of me, was evident.

I think the most impactful conversation I had during my trip was with a queer man at the downtown bar Rhinoceros (which is conveniently located right next to the Kettlehouse shuttle drop off). A local lesbian owns the Rhinoceros, one of the few LGBTQ-owned businesses in town.

This man talked a lot about how there were some “gay friendly” bars in town but no real “gay bars.” He eluded the same about queer support in Missoula – that there are places to go and hang out, but no real gay community. He said during Pride month there will be lots of flags and a parade and people come into Missoula from the surrounding cities where there is little to no gay community presence, and during June he feels he can actually be himself openly. But the rest of the time he said he feels he has to try and blend in because there just aren’t gay spaces he can live freely in.

He also pointed me toward The Western Montana Community Center, which is the group that runs Pride and seems to have the most resources for Missoula’s LGBTQ+ community.

Tolerance versus acceptance. It truly seemed to be the theme everywhere I went and with most of the people I talked to.

I like finding foodie spots, and while nothing blew me away besides the homemade breakfasts at the B&B, everywhere I stopped for a meal had good food. I had a “Meat Me” pizza at Old Chicago that was absolutely delicious, and a Scotch egg at the Thomas Meagher Bar downtown, that was surprisingly close to the real thing. No awkward interactions at either, and I felt safe in both spaces, just noticed the stares I mentioned earlier.

Of course a generally safe space for all LGBTQ+ folks is a cannabis shop, and there are no shortage of those in Missoula. I even found a cute little tea house, the Lake Missoula Tea Company, with pro-trans signs in the window. Outside of being approached by several seemingly homeless men asking for money, I felt safe walking through the downtown streets. There were plenty of straights walking downtown that didn’t hold back giving me the double take, but nothing threatening.

Speaking of cannabis shops, I’ll warn you – “Cookies” downtown does not sell cookies! I can’t even tell you how disappointed and misled I felt…

The nightlife in Missoula was more active than I expected, but is primarily geared toward the college crowd. As for gay bars, there is a bit of debate over which ones are considered “gay bars” versus “queer friendly.” Imagine Nation Brewing seems accepting, and it had a “Queers and Beers” event while I was there. Plenty of people, lots of fun and a safe atmosphere. I was also advised to check out Union Club Bar & Grill and Cranky Sam Public House, both of which gave the “friendly” vibe, not the “gay bar” vibe.

To be clear, I never felt unsafe in Missoula. Stared at? Yes. Judged? Sure. But never unsafe. I did keep my behavior in check as to not blatantly stand out or attract attention. I think that’s the Midwesterner in me… No PDA, no real hand-holding, etc. But as a more butch-looking lesbian, the assumption was there and the looks followed.

I’ve traveled to places like Portland and Seattle many times, where you can walk around freely and without much judgement, you can go out to a restaurant with a same-sex partner and no one bats an eye, and you can dress in drag without hearing gasps from those around you. Missoula is not that. I felt like I could BE myself, but wasn’t entirely sure I could ACT like myself in public. It very much reminded me of the places I grew up in the Midwest where I could feel the looks, could hear the mumbles, but was never really approached or confronted about it. Disapproval from a distance, I guess…

From the outside looking in, it’s obvious that several organizations and community members want Missoula to be inclusive. The Western Montana Community Center has gatherings of different types throughout the city year-round. The Pride parade and festival are robust and attract a lot of outside visitors. And of course now you can see the Pride flag flying on many buildings throughout the city. The want is there, but the everyday experience is still playing catch up.

Of course the staunch right conservatives in the rest of the state don’t want Missoula to fly the Pride flag, given their reactions when the ordinance passed. So who knows how long this movement stays in place. One can hope the momentum gives the LGBTQ+ community more reason to celebrate and come together to make their presence known, and, in turn, more commonplace.

The difference between being tolerated and genuinely welcomed is important. And while there is obvious improvement in the culture of acceptance, the fact that I as a visitor could feel the disapproval of my very existence means there is still a long way to go.

Would I go back to Missoula? Absolutely. Would I recommend it to my queer friends? Some of them. The ones who are more comfortable being a chameleon when needed. Or the ones who REALLY love listening to folk rock music in the mountains…

If you are loud and proud and everyone around you knows it, Missoula might not be a fit for you. At the very least, daytime Missoula might not be a fit for you. Go to the LGBTQ-friendly places I mentioned, be aware of where you’re walking downtown at night, and don’t mind the judging glances and you’ll be fine. Or immerse yourself in nature at a beautiful B&B or campsite and just let the mountains speak to you. There is true beauty to enjoy here. Both in the people and the scenery. You just have to look for it.

A big thank you to everyone who talked with me while I was in town. You gave me your honest thoughts and recommendations, and I hope sharing them will help others who are family.

Those of you who have been to Missoula, what was your experience? I’d love to get your thoughts in the comments!

And don’t forget, if you’d like to check out Missoula for yourself, I can help! I’m a certified travel advisor who can not only help you find great travel deals, but can also help you plan a memorable trip. Of course I want to save you time and money, but most importantly I want to help you have a great time while staying safe. So whenever you’re ready to start planning a Montana adventure, fill out the form below or leave me a message in the comments!

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